Its  been  a  little  while  since  I  wrote  this  blog  down.Im  a  lil bit  busy.Living  my  boring  life.I  left  JUSSLING  and  go  to  highschool  now. Well  all  JUSSLING  does.It  hurts  us  all,but  what  can  we  do?Life  must  go  on,and  we  should  pass  those  phase.
Little  info, I  tried  to run  this  blog  as  quiet  as  I  can.I  never  publish  this  to  anyone. This  blog  is  going  to  be  my  place  to  tell  stories  that  nobody  knows,or  wanted  to  hear.
Its  almost  a  year. I've  declare  peace  with  R  and  let  M  go. People  around  and  new  friends  helped  me  to  do  them  all. Sometimes  I  thanked  God  that  he  put  me  in  a  better  place. I  still  miss  M  and  hope  for  her  heart, as  I  always  promise  with  blood  streaming  from  my  arm. But  those  feeling  is  not  as  strong  as  before. I've  tried  to  close  it  and  it  works, even  if  it  made  some  holes.

I  followed  UM  blog, my  ex-band. I  used  to  play  in  that  band, but  Im  out  a  couple  months  ago. I  was  the  admin, and  posted  some  stuff. But  after  I  left, I  never  use  and  care  about  it  again. Until  10  minutes  ago.
Now  is, midnight  on  the  weekend. Im  bored  and  search  some  old  stuff, and  opened  some  of  my  blogs, included  this  one, and  looked  at the  dashboard. I  saw  a  post  of  myself  in  that  blog. A  post  that  I  never  made. It  tells  that  Im  the  one  who  tried  to  destroying  the  band, hacked  the  band  facebook  etc. With  one  of  my  picture  on  it. And  I  know  it  was  R.
Well  I  was  surprised. I  know, maybe  R  posted  it  when  the  fight  is  still  be  held  and  tried  to  insulted  me. But  we've  declared  peace, and  I  started  to  saking  myself, why  the  hell  he  didnt  delete  that  post? I  saw  through  the  site. After  that  post  of  me, R  posted  some  studio  photo  we  took. With  me  in  them. Then  after  that, a  post  about  a  gig  we  played  before, and  Im  still  in  it. That  was  the  last  post. This  confused  me. How  can  he  made  a  post  that  insulted  me, but  then  posted  some  pics  of  us?
And  naturally, the  Hate  creeping  in  me  once  again. The  Hate  that  I  used  to  own. The  Hate  I  used  to  fight  with.
I  scrolled  down, and  readed  a  post  about  R  introduced  the  UM  members. Actually  if  he  scrolled  down  again  and  opened  the  older  post, he'll  see  that  I  already  posted  about  it  before. But  I  think  he  wanna  post  it  by  his  way. He  said  about  himself, that  he  is  almost  like  the  leader  of  the  band, that  he  run  almost  all  in  the  band. This  actually  could  be  a  weakness  of  him. If  any  of  member  saw  this, this  could  be  a  thing  to  fight  against  him. I  mean, its  a  band. Band  has  no  leader. All  members  are  leaders, and  nobody  is  upper.
But  then  he  said  'this  is  his  girlfriend"  and  posted  his  picture  with  M  in  the  bus. His  hand  is  on  M's  cheek. If  I  didnt  close  my  feelings  yet, this  could  be  a  cause  of  heart  attack  for  me.

And  this  is  the  worse. Seeing  M's  face. Smiling, happy. It  wakes  my  feelings  of  her. It  grows  stronger, and  almost  broke  the  seal  I  used  to  close  it.Also  the  Hate, he  grows  stronger  too. The  Jealous  give  him  power. I  know  they've  broke  up. But  it  reminded  me  of  the  war. The  war  I  used  to  fight  with  all  of  my  guts. The  war  that  I  lose.
My  scar  acted  weird  too. It  usually  blurred  along  with  my  skin, but  I  dont  know  how, it  seems  clear. Like  I  slitted  it  a  minutes  ago.
And  M. Oh  my  God, she  came  back  to  my  mind. Once  again, I  memorized  all  the  things  we've  been  through. Feels  like  the  old  me  is  taking  control. I resisted. I  dont  wanted  it. Im  better  now  and  I  dont  want  my  past  to  take  it  again. But  however, this  bothers  me.

Ill  try  to  fight. My  stubborn  scar  is  a gentle  reminder  that  now  are  better  days, not  the  recaller  of  my  past.  

...

Well I dont know how I started this. Its not a poetry, no. I just wanna tell you about my fuckin' feeling right now. Okay.
Like the other story, everything started by a girl. Im not going to tell her name, but lets call her M for now. Well this M, she's my biggest crush. Its been 2 years for me for liking her. And I think I love her. Yeah I really do.
Everybody in my class have knew that I like this M. Every single person in my whole goddamned class.
And I have a band. We're 5 and one of them, lets call him R, is a little bit fuckin arrogant. Well at first I can accept that because we're friends, plus he's my bandmate. But now, he said that he likes M. And how fucking sad, M likes R too. They went home together, sat in class together, they did every fucking thing together. I think they're dating, but when one of my friend asked them, they answered with no.
But I believe they're dating.
The fact is, R still has a girlfriend. My theory, they're dating, but R told M to not to tell anyone about them. He used the reason that he was sorry for me, because he knew that I love M. And I believe M agreed, and then they shut their goddamned mouth. And I know why he's sorry for me. Because the motherfucking band is nothing without me. He told one of my friend by himself that they cant let me out from the band because they really need me. Im the one who gave the name of the band, the vocalist, and the one who made the songs. So they wont just let me out from the band. Because they know, if Im out from the band, Ill take the name and songs with me.
So R got M by not losing his girlfriend and he saved the band by not losing me. Yes, he got everything. And I have nothing except pain.
Its just my theory, but I believe all of them are fuckin real. The truth, its hurt enough to accept that they like each other, but it hurts more when I figured out that they lied.
I know I could just fight him, even I can stab a goddamned blade to his empty head. But by doing that, it feels like, like Im the one who lose the fight. Its like, Im angry with the fact that he wins M. No, I 've fall down, and I dont wanna show it to him. Ill live my life in front of his fuckin face.
But these truth is killing me. I have a lot of problems at home, and the only place for me to entertain myself is school. But now its the place that gimme the worst problem. Plus Im going to have a big test.
Im in a huge depression. I screamed, wishing death, slitted wrist, everything that a stressed man did. I know all of them are useless and wouldnt change anything, but what can I do? All I can do is just waiting the destiny to change the words of my life...      

A Buried feeling

When the drama ends...
And the night fells...
You'll never quit...
You'll play the role...

Im bleeding...
Just like your poisoned heart...
Running away...
Seeking for a light...

Chorus:
Watch you dance...
Couldnt breath like a dying sun in your hand...
Let it go...
And never come back...
Will never come back...
Again...

Death will find me...
Like it never ends...
You're the on e who can save me...
You could careless...

Say so long...
We'll never meet again...
A wish will die...
Darkness will raise

Back to Chorus

The Poisoned

I know...
It is hard to say...
Start to sink with a bullet in my heart...

You breathe...
All the poisoned air...
With all the sins you have made...

Chorus:
Die...
I wish you die...
Fall will never hurt you...
Shot will never harm you...
This blade is gonna kill you...

Trying...
Try to remember...
Kill all the past that I regret...

Take this gun and make it done...
You said...
This is only way to end this all...

You killed me and buried me...
You dont have any chance...
You afraid you will lose this all...
Even if you cry...

Your tears mean nothing to me...
Your bllood is just a fake...
I cant see the way you stab me...
You could careless...

Back to Chorus

The Dead Heart Story

Well I've disappear (hahaha *evil laugh) about 3 months (maybe more) and Im not return with nothing. I've made a song,and I think its the best song  of mine (this far).Well juz check this fuckin out!

When you just come and go...
I've wonder if you know...
Ill never let it blow...
Keep watching the scarecrow...

When sky starts turn to black...
You dont know if Im cracked...
The heartbeat never ends...
Till you came...

Pre-Chorus:
Could you see...
There is somebody...
Staring at you from a distance...
Could you feel...
There was nobody...
That wanted your heart as I am...

Chorus:
Dont turn away...
Ill stay here with you...
Just see the way...
I've coming through...
You let me die...
You burn the sky...
Leave me alone...
With all the wound...
So just let me...
Alone...

The nightmare wakes me up...
It never wants to stop...
Just like the heart you breaking all the time...

Your precence and your call...
Just direct me to the fall...
You never realize...
That this heart dies...

I let you go...
Let you flow...
Never let you know...

Just let me die...
Let me fly...
Let me take my way...
To...
Death...

Back to Pre-Chorus

Back To Chorus

Its The Time

Maybe its the time...
To tell the truth...
To revealed everything...
Everything...

Now I know...
Maybe its hard to say...
Maybe its hard to see...
Maybe its hard to feel...

I've been waiting...
Waiting all the time...
Wondering when...
Asking why...

But now...
The chance has come...
I should be brave...
I should...

I could'nt resist this...
And I know...
You're the best for me...
No one else...

I should say this...
I could say this...
I would say this...

You...
Are...
My...
Love...

Notice

Well...I juz wanna say that...I made these poetry just for fun...Sometimes I made it seriously and intended to someone...Or sometimes, I juz made it as what I was think...I could'nt keep make the sad poetry, was'nt it??? Or otherwise, I could'nt keep make a happy poetry too...I just make it for myself, or for my friends...So if some of you all get "hurted" by my poetry...Im sorry...Its nothing than the true friendship, right??